To Believe I Walk Alone Is A Lie That I've Been Told
by bones62442
Summary: Hopefully a procession of Swarklie one-shots about unseen parts of the series. I've only got one atm, but I'm hoping that it will grow. The first is angsty and Barney-centric but reveals the depth of his love. First time poster experiencing a mid-schooling crisis so open to opinions :)


**A/N: Hi, long-time reader but I've never posted my work up here before. But tonight this Swarkles one-shot just came to me and I thought "Why not?". As of yet I don't know whether there will be any more; I start uni tomorrow morning so perhaps this is somewhat of a mid-schooling crisis. But I would love to hear anything that you had to say about it. I'm open to feedback and I would love to know whether the stories that float around my head are of interest of anyone other than myself :) I will put a but of context before each one-shot as they will probably be randomly generated.**

**The title I've given to this procession (hopefully) of one-shots comes straight from the lyrics of the amazing Fort Atlantic song "Let Your Heart Hold Fast" which plays in 08.12. I love it so much, it's just on repeat in my brain atm :)**

**Anyways I'd love to hear from any of you!**

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Context: Post Tick, Tick, Tick.. (Episode 07.10)

Word count: 563

Comments: This came from the scene at the end of 08.01 with the storage locker. I was wondering when Barney stored that away, and then I realised I wanted to know more about what happened to Barney after 07.10 - yes he went a little crazy but what was his intital feeling. So here it is...

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As soon as he leaves her apartment he knows that he has to get rid of it all; get rid of every little piece of evidence that they were once together.

He barges into his apartment in a depressed rage. He feels so worthless, so unnecessary - he just wants to do… something in order to feel right again.

It is only now that Barney sees that in order to live without Robin he has to get rid of everything he has of her. So he starts.

He rifles through that back of his closet and finds a cardboard box. He then tears away at his bookshelf, books and DVDs falling to the ground as he takes down each frame he has of them together. It's cathartic hearing each clink of glass as his whole past with Robin is stacked away into the box. With each in-coming memory comes a little more relief.

Next he rummages through each book, finding every movie stub, every note they ever shared or exchanged. He remembers the confused pain he felt coming across some of these in the past year and a half. Each piece of paper acted as a key; un-locking some repressed memory of happier times. He doesn't want that any longer. At last Barney Stinson is demanding freedom from his memories.

Finally, he tries to trick himself into forgetting, tries to convince himself that there is nothing more to find, but when he reaches his front door – ready to put this whole debacle behind him, he cannot kid himself any longer.

He enters his bedroom and, lying on his stomach, pulls out the red sweater from under the bed; the one she left at his place that time. It still smells of her. It reminds him of them – of the completion he once felt which, when juxtaposed against the emptiness he feels now, seems cruel.

He pitches it across the living room into the box with the rest of his souvenirs and then collapses onto the couch.

He doesn't know whether he'll be able to survive this, but he has to – if not for himself but for Robin. She was strong. He supposes she did the right thing by moving on, choosing Kevin. He should do the same.

But he can't. He can't just throw out every little memory of their time together. He doesn't want to.

How is he ever supposed to know whether he is over her if he can't even remember what being under her felt like?

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It's at least a week before Barney manages to pick up the box and take the next step.

The thought of throwing it all away was too painful. He just couldn't. Instead he opts to keep it safe and close (just not too close).

The storage locker he visits seems empty when he first arrives, but once he places the box of souvenirs there, in the centre, it feels whole. Complete. Like he once did.

He's a little jealous that, for the time being, this empty room gets to play host to his most cherished memories, but he's glad that someone is benefitting from them.

Barney Stinson feels that the world would implode if he and Robin didn't live on in at least photographs of the past. And until she realizes that too, maybe he could benefit from freeing himself of these happier times.


End file.
